Church Hurt and Disappointment with Christians: Finding Your Way Back to God
From The Series:
Why we feel distant from god
(and ways to reconnect)
Part Three
**This post is part three of the series
“Why We Feel Distant From God (And Ways To Reconnect).”
This theme was inspired by readers of Make It Joy who responded to the question,
“What makes you feel disconnected from God?”
We’ll explore the top responses and offer insights and encouragement to help you find your way back into a close, connected relationship with God. The topics are:
The Busyness of Life
Doubts and Unanswered Questions
Church Hurt and Christian Culture
Our Independence and Self-Reliance
Shame and Guilt
Struggles with Hearing God’s Voice and Direction
Challenges with Scripture
Church Hurt And Christian Culture
Boy, we sure can hurt each other, can't we?
The other day I was getting my “treat yo self” chicken biscuit at the Christian mecca, Chick-fil-A, and had the displeasure of seeing spiritual hubris at work.
The scene:
Car #1- A guy in his 20s, smoking a cigarette, loud music, windows down
Car #2- A woman in her early 50s, Jesus fish and cross stickers on her bumper, windows down
Nastiness ensued.
I missed the offense that got them going at each other. I assume it was related to traffic or taking turns, but who knows?
Anyhoo, these two knuckleheads publicly antagonized each other nonstop in the pick-up line for three whole minutes.
With a “Shut up!” and choice expletive from him.
And a self-righteous mocking from her: “I'll pray for you, baby!”
Each one back and forth.
Each one trying to get the last word in.
Her words conveyed her superiority.
His words demanded the badgering stop.
Also included:
Her triumphant “pity” for his lowliness and lost ways.
Her swollen pride that she could “rise above” his sulky attitude and foul language and overcome evil with goodness.
All wrapped in the red bow of an insincere, taunting, saccharine sweet lashing of Scripture and an “Aren't I clever? “ grin.
“Jesus loves Youuuuu!”
Lousy Christians are everywhere.
Out in the world. Inside the church. Sitting at your supper table for Christmas.
Crappy Christians Run Amok
Nearly half the people I know (me included) have struggled with the Lord because of something spoken or handled poorly by a Christian.
Let’s “name it and claim it,” shall we?
How about a rapid-fire roundup of the most frequent and damaging offenses caused by “The Faithful?”
Oooooh sounds uplifting!
Marv, put 30 seconds on the clock, please.
Ready, go!
The rampant sexual abuse by leaders documented in the Catholic and the Southern Baptist Church- sickening
The coverup of the abusers- even more sickening
The glorification of male dominance and sexism. “Adam was created first. Eve was his helper.” “There’s not Biblical evidence that women can lead a church or preach” A little perspective on the historical context anyone?? Helloooo???
The tendency to give reconciliation responsibility to the victim in emotionally abusive relationships. “Pray for them,” “Be the example they need,” “Be Jesus’ hands and feet,” “In humility, consider others better than yourselves” “Forgive 70X7.”
The Prosperity Gospel movement (very confusing theology when it comes to the real world, suffering, and “favor”).
Purity culture- If a man sins or “looks lustfully” at a woman, guess who’s at fault…it’s her tank top’s fault! How dare she.
And the trite tale of the trusted and beloved head preacher's shocking Sunday morning confession for “letting down God and my family” (code: had an affair and got busted). Then the public apology from the pulpit, the announcement to take time off to prioritize his family, and the eventual move to lead another, often bigger church or receive a promotion in another capacity. The church members are charged to forgive, heal as a congregation, and not talk about it– ever.
Insincerity and gossip under the cover of “I’ll tell you this so you’ll know how to pray for her”
An often devastating misunderstanding and lack of education around mental health and addiction.
Racism and a sometimes complete lack of empathy for marginalized people groups or acknowledgment of a damaging generational history.
Self-righteousness, judgementalism, cliques, and playing favorites.
Hypocrisy–an ole reliable for atheists. What’s with the whole sharing the message of God’s love and our call to be compassionate with one another- while also holding protests against those who are “going to hell” and should “turn or burn?” Yikes.
Browbeating and cherry-picking Scripture. Who decides what’s literal, relevant, or outdated? Personal agendas or loud opinions regularly dictate when to randomly reject outdated customs while clinging to others, twisting the Word to support whatever fits the desired narrative. How convenient!
My 30 seconds are up.
Geez! And that’s just a warm-up.
A Moment To Acknowledge The Light
In case this is getting too pointed, I'll offer a reprieve:
There are so many wonderful things that come from church and Christians.
Generosity, hospitality, compassion, humility, integrity, forgiveness, community, and so very much more.
I’ve experienced this kindness and it’s made my life richer in innumerable ways.
And nearly all of the Christians I associate with genuinely try to love others well. They’re some of the most wonderful, kind-hearted people I’ve ever met.
For all the bad, there is endless good and beauty.
So, let’s not forget to look for the light in others.
I don’t want to barrel over that or neglect to mention the infinite goodness that’s in the church and in Christians.
But, that’s not what this is about.
The topic is about the bad stuff.
The stuff done by “safe havens.”
We’re boldly and honestly facing the wounds caused by people and places we expect to trust.
And it’s important to do it! It’s essential we not pretend.
All Have Fallen Short
The truth of it all is this:
We’re a mess.
“The bad guys.” “The good guys.”
All of us.
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23
And the “fall short”– ain’t just the one big time either.
We all frequently, with regularity, “fall short.” (do wrong, are rude, focus on self, are sure we’re right, are too rough with each other, put God last, etc.)
None of us are who we hope to one day be– not fully.
And none of us are yet in our perfected hearts and bodies.
That’s not for here– that’s for next.
For now, we just all do our best. And know our best can still be pretty crappy.
Keep trying, us!
What Should You Do When You’ve Been Hurt By Christians?
The truth that we’re all too rough with each other sometimes and we all screw up is helpful.
Sort of.
I’ll spare the “making allowances for others’ sins” and accepting that “the church is full of people and people are flawed.”
That’s correct.
But knowing it still leaves me with a sense of weakness, injustice, and powerlessness.
Knowing we can be flawed and people can be cruel intentionally and accidentally doesn’t help enough, at least not for me
here is an empowering call to action:
Do not, under any circumstances, let another person/group/entity/leader/family member/stranger at Chick-fil-A keep you from God.
Don't you do it!
Guard your relationship with the Lord.
Protect it against all hazards, attacks, and chiseling– even if that’s your friendly neighborhood preacher-man.
Do not let another lousy person or a lousy choice keep you from your precious, life-giving, rewarding relationship with God.
You have the opportunity to live life with the King of the Universe, maker of all things!
He is the greatest lover and caretaker of your soul.
He’s the all-powerful, all-knowing, creator of light and goodness.
And you can 100% have an intimate, close, loving relationship with Him.
You can be His precious child that He reads bedtime stories to and tucks in at night.
You can be his beloved bride that He cherishes, adores, and shields.
You can be His dearly loved friend that He’s always available to listen to, stand by, and confide in.
This is it! This is the gold of your life!
And it would be a tragedy if you let someone else take that from you.
Don’t you let some person keep you from the pure gold opportunity to know and be close to God.
Some preacher who said something harsh and ignorant will not keep you from this treasure.
Your self-righteous, gossipy ex-friend will not diminish your powerful connection with Jesus– the Almighty ruler of the frickin’ Universe.
Don’t you give that power– this GIFT– to them.
You go after God.
You go to HIM— and don’t let anyone distract you from that.
Keep Your Eyes On Your Amazing God
And no, this isn’t a call to stop going to church or having Christian friends.
“It is not good for (wo)man to be alone.” Genesis 2:18
We need others. Big time.
We need healthy partners to walk with us in this whole life-thing.
God tells us to get our booties into a community and serve that group.
God wants us to be with others, and He wants us to contribute. He wants us all to take care of each other.
But when you feel like you’re drifting from God or have a complicated relationship with Him because of other people… you gotta go to Him.
Look to the Lord, not to bad actors or wrongdoing.
He is the way.
,
God loves you all the time. He wants to be close to you. And He does not approve of nasty, jerk behavior.
That’s not His thing.
That’s a people thing.
Hold on to this:
Other people getting in between you and God?
No!
You look to Him. Look to who He is. Look to how He is.
He is love, mercy, and justice.
"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8
*Here’s the Amplified version of the same verse:
“He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you Except to be just, and to love [and to diligently practice] kindness (compassion), And to walk humbly with your God [setting aside any overblown sense of importance or self-righteousness]?”
Now, you forgive those rascals.
Let God deal with them.
Keep your eyes on your own paper— which is God.
Go to Him. And soak up the glorious, magical opportunity you have to walk hand in hand with the King of the Universe.
Bring This To Life In You:
The Takeaway:
Do not let anyone or anything keep you from the Lord.
Scripture:
"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8
Prayer:
“God, you know I’ve been seriously hurt by others. Please help me to forgive the wrongdoing. Please heal the wounds. And give me the conviction and strength to accept your wonderful gift of companionship with YOU, my king, my leader. Amen.”
Action Steps:
Ask God to give you discernment for how to handle your wounds from other believers. Ask Him for the wisdom to know if you need to forgive and let go or if you need to do or say anything. Follow the sense of PEACE you feel in either direction, not your reason or emotions. Let His peace be your guide. He’ll help you either way.
More Posts You May Like:
Battling Self-Reliance: How To Reconnect With God When Independence Pulls You Away